His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it was like eating out sand paper
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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