I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize