just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
it's like iHOP with fire
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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