I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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