More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
