I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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