the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
