you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just invented taco cereal.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
