Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
