I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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