Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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