i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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