Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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