I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
