why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize