My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
In America we eat man semen.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
