I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
