So drunk its hurt
It's Friday. Sex?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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