If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
