wanna go halves on a baby?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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