We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
