So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
