Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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