My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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