he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Randomize
