belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
