3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Your dad touched me again.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
