I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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