Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
