Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
