3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
