I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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