i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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