literally had 100 drinks last night.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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