This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
