My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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