Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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