Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
