there's paper in my vomit.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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