I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
