too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
