So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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