I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
