I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think i got beer on your cat.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
