At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
