Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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