shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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