I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We smell like vodka and hangover
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