dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize