When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
