She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
