the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
