She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am spending my child support on dildos
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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