i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
