dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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