walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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