omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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