They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
