How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
