I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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