did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I want to make a zoo with you.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
