i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize