is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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