He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
