I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
