I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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