So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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