Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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