that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
