I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
