I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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