this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
