I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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