somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
