I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When did angry sex become our thing?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
