did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize