It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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