yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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