If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
