I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
