chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
