'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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