She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
