The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
