Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
