My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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